Day 22 of writing every day.
It’s the last day of New Years break in Japan for me. I don’t know how others have been spending their time, but I feel refreshed and renewed.
Tomorrow I’ll be going back to work the damned 11-8 shift assignment I’m on until whoever’s in charge kicks the bucket or something. Well screw them and the pitiful salary they’re paying, I’ve set my heart and mind on moving on when the time is right.
I’m mentally done with working and being treated like rental equipment at a menial labor intensive position that was supposed to be making use of my English and Japanese language skills. I’m not doing anything to make the world a better place or helping people where I’m at right now, and the only purpose I serve is making my employer money while they keep a larger cut of the pay being received for managing outsourced labor.
Things to look forward to
I’ll be looking forward to going to Aikido practice again this year once class restarts. I’ve come to terms that 30 minutes is all I’ll be able to get on weekdays while I’m at my current assignment, and that’s not going to stop me from continuing my passion.
If anything, work has always been a test to see how deeply I care about my pursuit of Aikido, and so far my passion has won out, even if career-wise I’ve yet to accomplish anything worth mentioning and I’m feeling that I got hosed by my employers up to now.
The pain of meeting a life-changing teacher and mentor
My aikido teacher who passed away 4 years ago was the first Japanese man, maybe even the first man, I learned to respect with all my being. I’m not perfect and neither was he as human beings, but he had so much to teach and none of the arrogance that came with the clout of being in the position of teacher and having a high rank.
Japan feels restrictive to me in terms of my permission to stay being tied to working full-time as I’m not a business owner or big shot investor. I’m always working a job for foreigners that often lacks any responsibility that feels appropriate for my own age and ability to think and make decisions.
When it came to my Aikido teacher, he always had plans and taught in a free flowing style that adjusted the practice to the space and the students. His plans weren’t perfect but they held this feeling of hope and change for the better that I oft wholeheartedly supported. He wasn’t just being nice for the sake of being nice, however.
Budo is a path to understanding the world of life and death and there is a harshness and strictness that needs to be respected and upheld for it to have meaning as a method of self-improvement. His critiques of my shortcomings and imperfections were sharp at times but accurate and for my sake.
His trust in me and his consideration of the sincerity of my passion for Aikido was probably why he eventually invited me to take up the opportunity of being an instructor and accompanying him to practice at the other dojos he taught at without extra tuition. I accepted the responsibility even though it’d be like an unpaid internship in my free time outside of work, but I never regretted that decision to take things to the next level.
In work life I have to deal with superiors and managers who have more experience than me in the company and field but nothing more. Many don’t pursue any self-improvement type of practices outside of work and don’t garner any more respect from me than I would any other stranger I come across on the streets.
I respect their knowledge and expertise, but once I start getting managed for the sake of the manager needing to manage and get directions or advice that are very general and made up on the spot, I start feeling like, “What’s the point? You’re not telling me or reminding me of anything I don’t already know from training. If you know so much and can do better than me, why don’t you do it and show me how it’s done? Or are you just getting paid to “manage” and not do any actual work?”
I believe that I’m open to constrictive criticism to help me improve what I’m supposed to be doing and embrace the opportunity to do better. That’s what my Aikido teacher gave to me from my perspective and he never considered himself to be a know-it-all that has all the answers.
When it comes to work, I can only shake my head mentally in silence when it feels like a senior is just telling me something that I take as criticism without any helpful purpose, my willingness to follow their direction goes down the tank. From my perspective, they seem to be asserting that they know what’s best, not for me, but for whatever way the job should be done without even bothering to explain the reasoning behind it.
Life is filled with mediocre people running things and it’s how things are, but when you have had the privilege of being guided by someone you find to be great, you find it hard to go back to mediocre after having a taste of how a great mentor and leader can affect things. I don’t consider myself to be great, but I’ve seen and experienced enough to know who’s really got “it” and who’s just faking it.
It’s not an enjoyable experience following someone you don’t really find yourself aligned with. Part of me wants to swap positions for a few hours so I know what they go through and learn from experience instead of just being told to do stuff and not question anything.
I’m not claiming I’d do their job better, but in an age where the pursuit of information is the norm and less than honest people are still running things, it runs against my sense of right and wrong to not question authority, especially if there’s a disproportionate amount of inequality I feel I’m being treated with.
Well, I’ll see how things go when I get to the office. I’ll be having consultations for learning to program to see what’s the best school for me to enroll in to change jobs in the future.
Thanks for reading!
One Chance Works 