Day 32 of writing every day.
It’s been a lousy new year so far in respect to work and nothing improving. I get home with little to no Aikido practice time on weekdays and have no family or good friends to comfort me and blow off the steam with. Plenty of people might think you need to suck it up or go home, but I’m pretty sure they have their breaking points that would break them just as easily if you know where to push.
Starting the day late and ending late has no benefits. Period. You only spend more of the hours at work at less than optimal focus levels. I end up getting home late close to 9pm but unlike those who started their day earlier, I get no extra pay because I don’t get to start working until before it’s noon and find no benefits in my schedule in starting the day late. It’s not how my lifestyle works. I’ve tried.
This weekend I have an appointment at an in-person programming school. I look forward to what it’s like just for the new experience, and for helping me decide what’s the right learning option for me. I’m still learning what work in the IT industry is like and there’s really no way of knowing without experiencing it as an intern at the very least.
I’m not so naive to believe that an IT job/career will solve everything, nor that I’ll be guaranteed to like it as a dream job. It might really just be whether I get a job at an organization that’s the right fit or I get enough experience to be able to eventually freelance for a decent living. But I won’t know if I can be in a happier state of mind unless I change things.
A Sense of Unity
Having classmates and colleagues is an important part of sustaining a healthy mind when part of any organization. It helps remove the feeling of being all alone and being overwhelmed. Having people you can relate to and reach out to is like a blessing that you didn’t know mattered so much when you go remote for an extended period of time, at least for me anyways.
I’ve been in a dark place and work culture often tells us to keep our personal thoughts to ourselves. I’ve been venting and ranting a lot but I was pleasantly surprised to get a sympathetic reaction today. I don’t claim to be suffering more than anyone else, just that I don’t like being in a state of unhappiness.
Classmates and colleagues are hopefully people you work alongside instead of people you fight with and find unbearable. Depending on the situation it could be taking place physically, virtually, or in spirit. However just being there doesn’t really connect you anymore than standing next to a stranger you believe you have nothing in common with.
So I felt like a huge weight got off my chest when others confided that they too weren’t happy with their situations either and some have been actively engaged in trying to change things for the better. I wouldn’t say that this is a “misery loves company” situation since while people aren’t happy, the connection lends everyone the strength and courage to push on with the hopes of getting to a better place.
Perhaps it’s more an issue of feeling all alone that I’ve gotten used to but also sick of because the way things have soured, but knowing you’re not alone is comforting. I’d say this regardless of whether I’m on the sad or happy end of the spectrum, I think.
I really want to just soak in the positive feeling I have right now as it seems like it’s been sometime where I left work in a positive mood more or less. It won’t change the fact that this will still be a busy month and perhaps a year likely to be filled with changes and transitions. I just hope I come out on top instead of struggling to stay above the yet unseen currents.
Thanks for reading!
One Chance Works 